The title of this essay isn’t just a title, it’s a warning to…vous. I hate it when I wander into an article and it turns out to be something I really don’t want to read about. This is an article about the full moon and the effect it has on me…and possibly a whole bunch of others. Skip this article now, or forever hold your peace…piece?
Right this moment it’s still dark outside with the exception of what they’re calling a Super Moon. It’s when the perigee of the moon is much closer to the earth than normal…about 29,274 miles or so, give or take. It also appears about 13% bigger, but to steal from Clark Gable…Frankly I don’t give a damn. Yes, I grew up watching Bela Lugosi’s Dracula movies…and all the others. And there were the wolf man movies, which never scared me quite as much. I think I may know why now, but more on that later. What did affect me, was when the camera would slowly pan to what was causing all the trouble. It was the moon…more specifically the full moon. What does it do to me? I’m going to tell you in full detail very soon though once more, stop reading if you’re faint-of-heart.
For decades, I’ve had this conversation with friends and associates, though always carefully and in the third person. This time, possibly because the moon is staring at me through my window, we’re in first person. Big difference.
LUNATICS: The word, lunatic, comes from the word, lunar, which refers to the moon. Good choice. And over the years, I’ve talked to cops, emergency room doctors, cab drivers…bartenders, and other seemingly normal people and asked them if they noticed a difference during a full moon. The response always goes like this: They take a deep breath, look me gravely in the eye, and say, “You’re not gonna believe this…”
Ever notice that one day, it seems like every one of the drivers on the road seems to be about three cards short of a full deck? It finally got to the point where I’d go home, check my Moon App on my iPad and think, sonofagun….
Dreams: Skip this paragraph if you’re still on the fence. Again, right this moment, I’m still some percentage under the influence. About every 28 days or so (the cycle of the moon), I have variations on a dream. I’m in a forest…at night…full moon, such that every plant, tree, rock casts an eerie shadow. And there I am, with the exception being, my perspective is not from about six feet high, but about 30 inches high. I am on the ground on all four legs and racing through the forest, blasting by ferns, leaping shallow ditches, zigging and zagging, chasing some warm furry animal. Sometimes it’s a rabbit, sometimes a squirrel, deer, it doesn’t really matter. Eventually it zigs when it should have zagged and I’ve got it in my teeth. I shake it violently and feel the warmth of its body and then the blood in my mouth. Strangely, it doesn’t taste bad…….
Are we to be held responsible for our dreams? I don’t think so. Try to remember some of the weird ones you’ve had. Anyway, I wake up. The bedroom is bathed in strange ghostly moonlight and at that moment, I’m not sure whether or not I’m fully 100% human. Not joking here. Pam is lying asleep next to me and…away we go. You don’t have a need-to-know, as they say in the military. Yes, Pamela survives. We’ve been happily married for...forever and Pamela has no scars, scratches or bite marks…at least no bite marks that last. And if I may be so bold, Pamela, being Hungarian, is extremely happy with this scenario.
Moonstruck: There was a movie with Cher entitled, Moonstruck. Terrific movie, by the way. Romantic, touching, funny, sometimes insightful. It was based on the book, Elmo’s Moon, and in it several of the characters are similarly blessed…or cursed depending on your point of view. At one point, the main character played by Nicholas Cage, professes his love to Cher…beneath a full moon, prefacing his love by saying, “I don’t care if I burn in hell. I don’t care if YOU burn in hell…I love you.” (You have to see the movie to understand the gravity of the remark.)
Gravity: If you’re inclined to think that this is just silliness, well maybe it is. I do know that the moon exerts tremendous gravitational pressures on Earth. Think of the tides, tidal waves. The pressures are very real and can be predicted to the hour. We as humans, we are 60 % water…water upon which the moon’s gravity is also working. Does it have some affect on us? I think there’s evidence to support it. I don’t look on my calendar and mark when there’s going to be a full moon. It informs me by my sometimes bizarre actions. For 27 days of the month, I pride myself for being logical, even-tempered, even kind on occasion. On that 28th day……………….
And so, in closing, for all you skeptics and naysayers, I have one thing to say to you, “AAAHOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!
Henry…with the furry face. …Actually one of my very very very best friends, Reginald Van Scooter IV of CrossBow…aka, “Scootie”