Here’s just what you need, folks… gold-plated sneaks with the little eyelets and other key parts constructed of…uhm…GOLD! Now, going back to high school chemistry and the Periodic Table of elements, gold (Au) is shiny. It’s also really heavy! Instead of the word, gold, replace it with the word lead and you’ll see how bright an idea lead running shoes are. What’s that you ask? How much will these gold running shoes set me back? $60,000.00.
In the spirit of scientific experimentation and artistic snarkiness, I took my sneaks outside, sprinkled some baby powder inside to keep from fainting, and then sprayed them with about twenty cents worth of Krylon Gold. In about two minutes I had my own golden sneakers…without the drawback of being heavy. Net saving: $59,999.80 Woo Hoo!!!
I wore them to the little Greek diner we go to for breakfast and was immediately interrogated: “Henry–Have, have you lost your #&**% marbles? You spent $60K on sneakers???” I had to explain really quickly lest they throw me out of the place. Once they knew the secret, however, the scenario changed. Jimmy said he had a can of Krylon bronze…and knew how to use it. Erik has a can of Krylon bright copper. We’re gonna form a club…the We Ain’t Idiots Club. Nike sells copper sneakers for only…..$17,000.00. See image at bottom. I just couldn’t resist splurging another 20 cents.
For the lady of the house, you can buy a solid gold…omelet pan for (God, I have absolutely no idea why anyone would do this) $55,000,00. Just between you and me, do you think someone who owns a solid gold omelet pan would have any idea how to use it?
A Seriously Good Hint: Fabulous Fur: This past year, we got a catalog in the mail for women’s fur coats. (Fabulous Furs. com) Now, before you go into attack mode regarding the killing of little animals, Pam and I may be dumb, but we aren’t that dumb. Fabulous Furs sells gorgeous youngish fur coats with state of the art “fur” that you really can’t tell from mink, fox, rabbit, coyote, whatever. I was the one who went a little crazy. In two months I ordered three coats for Pamela. Man are they good-looking…
The only drawback is that old stigma of not costing a lot. I bought Pam a gorgeous, cool, sexy little “sable” jacket with a parka and had a gal in the veggie section of Wegmans glaring and wrinkling her nose at us. I looked up…read her mind…and said, “It’s fake fur, Ma’am,” at which point she warmed considerably and asked where we got it. “Fabulous Furs.” “Thank you!!!” Now, because they don’t cost an arm and a leg, I made last year a pseudo-furry Christmas and got Pam an intensely beautiful red-and-silver fox bomber jacket. We’re not talking big bucks, folks….. Net savings on three coats: Bunches.
If you scroll back in my blogs, you’ll see that I have a comparison review of the automobile I bought (pictured above) a couple of years ago to a $135,000 Tesla, a $118,000 Jag, and an equally expensive Mercedes. Of the four cars, they look sufficiently alike that if you’re not careful in a parking lot, you’ll have many an embarrassing moment. As little as a month ago, a Tesla driver was clicking his key fob at my car and swearing profusely. We laughed, but then he asked what my car was. He noticed that the chrome letters on the back said, KRONOS and he wasn’t familiar with the company. The only stigma my car has, is that it cost approx. $90,000.00 LESS than than the Tesla. Judge for yourself, and…by the way, it handles like a dream, 0-60: 5.7 sec., it’s quiet and… I can actually drive coast to coast! Net saving: $75-90,000.00…depending. http://henryharveybooks.com/uncategorized/a-different-kind-of-article-that-can-save-you-serious-bucks/
Here’s where we’re gonna agree to disagree… Way back when, when I asked Pamela to be my bride, our family had had a diamond ring in the family with a whole lot of history. That became Pamela’s wedding ring.
Today, however, if you do a little search regarding the DeBeers Diamond monopoly, I wouldn’t go about it the same way. I truly wouldn’t. Here’s why: Point one: DeBeers has amassed enough diamonds over the decades that if the monopoly ever were broken, diamonds would no longer be precious, but only semi-precious stones. Translated: They aren’t that rare.
Point two: You can pick up a one or two-carat cubic zirconium stone that is of equal hardness, equal brilliance, and better clarity than most diamonds…for pennies on the dollar. No one can tell but a jeweler. The only giveaway: You buy a seven-carat zirc and you lose your credibility. Being objective: They’re very shiny stones that all look alike. And you and I and the rest of the world has been fed a constant load of “hooie” over the years. Your marriage won’t be any better or more sacred, or lasting because of the atomic structure of the shiny rock. You might find, however, that when you’re just starting out, that you could use that extra money you’ve saved on something that’s actually important…like food.
Returning for one more nose-thumbing at the auto industry: We’re reaching a point of absurdity and insanity with the horsepower of our cars. Yeah, I’ve had some pretty powerful cars in my time and yeah, you do need to be able to accelerate quickly on occasion. But…there’s a sweet spot and then there’s insanity…dangerous insanity.
For where I live in the Eastern corridor of the US, there’s a substantial amount of traffic. And when I go out on a country road, there are joggers, bikers, bicyclists, kids just running around, deer, people going for a walk. In short, there’s almost no place to hit the gas on a 707 horsepower Hellcat, for say…more than three-quarters of a second. You’ll kill someone, or maybe yourself. And so, you go loafing along in traffic with 5, 6, 7, 8, or 9 hundred horses under your hood…frustrated and unhappy. Given a clear opening in traffic you hit the gas and hold it to the floor…and you’re going 130 mph. Then you brake like hell so you don’t kill anybody. The smoke you see above is a pair of expensive tires being shredded in 7 seconds (and going nowhere).
The party is over. A little secret, if you truly like to drive sporty??? Get something like a Mazda Miata, a true sports car, with a small enough engine that you can ‘wonk” on it in every gear and actually downshift for a turn. Get something like a Bugatti Veyron, however, with a top-end of 255 mph and 1200+ horsepower and it’s a whole lot like those gold running shoes.
Okay, so you’ve saved a whole bunch of money that you would have spent on gold shoes and truly heavy frying pans. What do you do with it? Ahhh… I’ll refer you to just one of many shining examples. Remember Paul Newman? The actor? Butch Cassidy? Nobody’s Fool? The Hustler? Ole Paul started selling….salad dressing, to which every penny of profit went to helping disadvantaged kids. I lost count a while back, but last time I checked he’d helped to the tune of close to half a billion dollars. If there’s a heaven…
Want to spend a few hundred bucks from the money you saved up above? Look at these pups. Their sole…as well as soul mission in life is to make you laugh…make you happy. How many people do you know who have that as their reason for being?
P.S. Having just shown this essay to Pamela for editing, she suggested you look into renting a wedding gown for the four hours it’ll be used. A few hundred bucks vs. many thousands and when’s the last time anyone actually wore a handed down wedding gown?